2-26-05 Que es amor? what is love? as off right now love is everything i feel for vanessa..but does she still love me? Ya no me amas? if you still loved me you would at least call me to tell me you are ok..the two people who worry about you the most..me and your mom..and you still dont call us for nothing..but eh..si ya no me amas di me..if you dont love me anymore tell me..so that i know that deep down..there is no way we are going to get back together and that i should stop trying..i love you pero what am i suppose to do when i cant even talk to you..to see what you are thinking..te amo baby pero i dont know what to do..im sorry..what can i do?..like the song says.."cuz i cant make you love me..if you dont..you cant make your heart feel it wont..here in the dark..these final hours..i lay down my heart..i feel the power..but you wont..you wont..cuz i cant make you love me.." thats exactly how i feel..i laid my heart out the day i showed you my tattoo.. 2-25-05 Baby, come back to me! lets pass this TEST and move on..continue on with our lives..if you still love you, then like they say..you will return..because if you love something and let it go and if they come back is because it was ment to be..baby..vente pa tras..te amo! no one will love you like i do! NO ONE! i know you have a little love left in there for me..because if you didnt that night i asked you you would have told me you didnt love me..and thats were my hope is coming from because you didnt tell me in my face..come on baby..if you are not going to come back just let me know..so that i can find away to TRY To get over you..but how do you get over something that you love so much? you dont..and i wont ever get over you baby..i GOt a tat for you you really believe that i dont love you? babe we hugg'd for HELLA LONG! I LOVE YOU BABE! the songs i put on this cd i just made..all are for you! BABE TE ESPERARE! TE AMO! COME BACK TO ME!!!!!! 2-23-05 Hello people...this is has been the UGLIEST WEEK FOR ME!..all this love, and emotion going through my body..doesnt let me do anything but crave for vanessa more and more..all the love songs i have on my comp.are because of her..damn do i love this girl..funny what love does to someone...shit..i miss her...i'm trying to wait to see if she will return to me..but i dont know..i hope and pray she does... well i went to a comedy club this one day and this guy said this joke..and it always makes me laugh... here it goes " why do people say that guns dont kill people..but people kill people..how does that work? the toaster doesnt toast toast..toast toast toast.." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! i might have said it wrong but its still hella funny...vanessa i love you and come back to me.. the new reborn recks....=( I know you will never read this..but i thought i should get it out there The saddest week i have ever had was this week..lossing someone that i loved so dearly..not to nature..but to someone else..Losing vanessa was something that is tearing me up inside! I cant believe that she is now gone..she was my everything she is my everything..she is now with a guy named Cheese..cheese..dam..are you that much of a better man then i was? that you took her away from me? right from under my nose..i believe and thought that you nessa was going to always be there for me..thinking you were going to be in my life for the rest of my life..always brought a smile to my face..Vanessa you do not know how much i trully miss you..everything you are doing feels like revenge feels like HATE! i hate that..when we broke up the second time we didnt talk for a year..i am hoping to God..that you will once again be in my life..I miss everything about you..your touch..your kisses..YOUR PRESENCE!..your wacky smile..your wacky ways..your intimacy..Vanessa you are my everything..WHy have you left me..why do you treat me the way you do? baby..now that you are happy with this guy..i dont know what to do..you filled a very important part in my life..you filled a part that no one has ever filled..you have touched me in a way that no one else has..and now i know no one else will..my fear of dying alone is now slaped me in the face because thats what it is that might happen..Baby..this week for me has been HELL! everything that once was Great Once was LOVE! is now gone..to you turn to hatread to me..turned to madding love..to frustration..turn to the worse thing..lonelyness...baby i still want you in my life..but what it is that i am suppose to do to get you back? you were everything to me..and i have nothing..every were i look..every song i hear..every time i close my eyes..i think of you and i cant help but cry..because i now dont have you..you are now in someone else's hands someone else's care..and it hurts me..this is what your parents wanted and so did everyone else that knew us..but we didnt want them to win..and now they have..I wrote you so many letters telling you the way i feel..but there is no way that i can explain the love i have for you..because the worse do not match the feeling and emotion that i have for you..How can i forget something that i do not want to ever forget..baby you were really One of a kind..you were one to keep..Every time i get into the car i remember you, every time i go home..you are in my head..everytime i am at work you are there..the place were i cannot control what i think is in my dreams and you are there as well.. Well i was hella sad yesterday and started thinking..so i went and finally got my tats! here guys take a look Tat1 Tat2 Tat3 i have my specific reasons for these tats..you guys can guess who the one on my chest is for...=/... baby please come back to me...everyday that passes by drags so badly..my days are so long..filled with nothing but bordem..nothing but soletude..I hate this feeling of being alone..since i lost you i lost interest in everything..i sometimes dont even want to wake up because its just going to be another long day without you..i keep hearing how happy you are..and it saddens me..i fucking love you so much..the only thing that gets my mind off of you is physical pain..when i got my tattoo's is when i felt no emotional pain..someone told me today that "when you trully love someone..and you let them go..if they come back to you is because they were trully yours..if they dont is because they never were" this keeps coming into my head..and i want to give you time baby..but..i cant i need you..nothing is the same..the more i think of you the more i deep myself into a whole..and i cannot think of you because i Want you back into my life...work isnt the same, school isnt the same..talking to the people i use to talk to aint the same..baby i need you..i dont get why i cant have you! its not registering in my head the reason why i cannot have you..i trully do hope that someday you will be back into my life..i need you..you are the perfect one for me!...I will love you always..and will always have you with me... there is this song that is exactly what i feel..only difference is that its a girl singing about her man..and I dont need a man..i need VANESSA! the love of my life..i tried everything i could to get her back..i gave it my 100% and still nothing..it hurts me knowing that i have tried everything...here is the song.. Ever since the day you went away and left me lonely and cold my life just hasn't been the same oh baby no when i looked into your eyes the moment that i let you go i just broke down baby if i ever get the chance to be with you again I would sacrafice Cuz the feelin that I feel within no other man would ever make me feel so right its nice to smile when i get your phone call at night But I rather have you here with me right next to me and I miss the way you hold me tight I've got to let you know I feel so weak without your touch I never thought that i could ever love a man so much I've gotta let you know I think that we are destiny For you I'd cross the world for you I'd do anything That's right baby Im goin crazy I need to be your lady I been thinkin lately that you and me yes we can make it just ride with me roll with me Im in love with you (baby) Thats right baby Im goin crazy I need to be your lady I been thinkin lately that you and me yes we can make it just ride with me roll with me Im in love with you (baby) break it down then I'll tell you what i feel from the moment that i met you its been so damn real my heart seems to skip another beat every time we speak Can't belive I feel so weak tell me that you really need me and you want me and you miss me and you love me I'm your lady I'll be around waitin for you put it down be the woman for you im fallin so deep for you crazy over you im callin callin out to you what am i gonna do? its true no frontin it's u ain't no other I can no longer go on without you I just break down (down) I've got to let you know I feel so weak without your touch I never thought that i could ever love a man so much I've gotta let you know I think that we are destiny For you I'd cross the world for you I'd do anything Thats right baby Im goin crazy I need to be your lady I been thinkin lately that you and me, yes we can make it just ride with me roll with me Im in love with you (baby) Thats right baby Im goin crazy I need to be your lady I been thinkin lately that you and me, yes we can make it just ride with me roll with me Im in love with you (baby) ooo, crazy,(ooo), lady (ooo), lately (ooo) Baby